Hi Liz. You look hot. You're welcome.
First of all, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself?
I am a woman who sings and shouts and cries and has opinions and knows the names of all the chicken shops in the UK. I am every man's dream girlfriend and every girl's dream girlfriend. Basically I am a dream. And sometimes, a nightmare.
How does the UK compare with the US?
I prefer the UK because you like dark stuff and you don't say "good for you" after every statement the person you are talking with says. Example conversation: "I just got out of bed." "Good for you!" "It's 3pm." "Good for you!" "I'm gonna smash your face in if you say "Good for you" one more time" "Good for you!"
And that is why I am no longer welcome in my home town.
Where do you get your inspiration for songs?
Mainly my diary, living on a council estate and Eastenders. I love Eastenders. RICKY! STOP TANNING YOURSELF! YOU LOOK LIKE A RARE HAIRLESS MONKEY!
Do you feel a sense of 'sisterhood' with other female musicians?
I have no sense of sisterhood. What has Adele ever done for me? Nothing. She's too busy chasing pavements and sticking babies in her womb. No. There is nothing they can do for me. That said - Rhianna, if you want to do a duet some time, I'm up for it.
Do you ever get hecklers? How do you deal with them?
Yes I do. I shout them down or sing them a song. And then afterwards I will hunt them down and use my Tanglewood for its actual purpose. BAR BRAWL!
What can people expect from the South Hill Park show?
They can expect songs about love, life, chicken shops, Bono, drinking and a picture of my grandmother. Also there will be shouting and forgetting of bits that are new. And there will be a projector if they have a projector. Otherwise I will make someone hold my MacBook on stage for the full hour.
Loretta Maine: I'm Not Drunk I Just Need To Talk To You is at South Hill Park tomorrow (Friday). Tickets cost £8 from www.southhillpark.org.uk or 01344 484 123.